jdotbanh.

i feel so empty…

i know its your past and i know you cant change what you’ve done but i just need you to understand whats going on in my mind  just that thought that images and just knowing the fact that these events happened was a reality kills me inside, i care so much about you and i feel as if i lost to him, my mind is barricaded with these images and thoughts that i cant ignore and it fuckin unbearable and just hearing you voice tell me it was true stabbed my heart so many time, im hurting inside im truly sad i cant explain how i feel i can throw on a fake smile around work but when the emotions build i just got into the employee bathroom and just to sit there letting everything out and be away from everything i dont want to leave you but my mind tells me sometimes to just go… i dont want to i want you theres no doubt about it, but if you could only feel the pain that im enduring right now then maybe you might have an idea of why im acting the way i am why i punch things, i cant just let it go and just be like its nothing because these things are sacred to me and just know the fact that someone else did what they did just hurts me… the few question that i feared the most happened and that is something im trying to deal with… so please just give me time and let me think its very hard on me im sorry… right now i just wish i never heard any of it…